Topic Talk | Is cheating in a relationship ever justified?
Description
In this episode of The A to Z English Podcast, Xochitl and Jack discuss the question: Is cheating in a relationship ever justified?
Transcript:
Jack
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Jack
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Jack
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Jack
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Jack
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Jack
Welcome to the Ados English podcast. My name is Jack and I'm here with my co-host social. And today we have a topic talk and social. Today's topic is a little scandalous. The question is, can cheating in a romantic relationship ever be justified?
Jack
Should the couple try to work through it, or is the trust permanently broken?
Xochitl
Uh, I really don't think it's ever justified. I personally have never cheated, so I don't understand.
Xochitl
It's a decision, too, I hate when people say that it's a mistake. I don't think it's a mistake. It's a choice that people actively made and you have to live with the consequences of that choice. And I think, like, if you do want to try to work through it, then the person who cheated needs to be willing to really put in the majority of the work.
Jack
Right.
Xochitl
And.
Xochitl
Needs to be willing.
Xochitl
To see that there are going to be pretty big consequences like the that person is not going to trust you. Like for a good long while. And I I think that's perfectly acceptable and absolutely normal. It'd be kind of weird if they suddenly did trust you, you know.
Jack
Yeah, I.
Xochitl
Again, you've been good.
Jack
Oh, sorry, I I I really hate it. When. When?
Jack
Like cheaters, say something like UM.
Jack
Well, you weren't paying attention to me or you weren't being attentive as a as a partner. And so I started looking in, you know, other places to get my needs met or whatever and that sort of kind of nonsense, you know, it's like I I think this is one of those.
Xochitl
Ah.
Jack
Rare occasions where it's like 100 zero, you know, like it's yeah, it's it's 100% the cheaters fault and they they have to take full.
Jack
Responsibility for their actions. I I don't think there can be any Hemming and hawing about it. It's it's, you know, I I think it's such a it's such a red flag when when a cheater starts trying to push the blame onto.
Jack
His or her partner for you know, making.
Jack
Me do that it. It reminds me of, like, domestic violence, right where the domestic abuser tries to blame the, you know, you know, I I don't. I didn't want to hit you. But you make me so angry, you know, and and that that's that's that's just nonsense.
Xochitl
Ma'am.
Xochitl
Right, yeah.
Jack
Like, that's just garbage logic and so.
Jack
Yeah, I I just, I just don't. Yeah.
Xochitl
Yeah, I think I I'll go. I'll go a step further here and say that cheating is definitely a form of abuse because you have to be lying to cheat. And lying is emotional abuse by definition.
Xochitl
So yeah, in some ways you're gaslighting your partner. You're, uh, hiding information from them. You're lying to them. You're invalidating them constantly because you're trying to make them think that they're crazy when you're cheating so that they don't hold you accountable for your actions, and you're blaming them and and shaming them. And it just.
Xochitl
It's toxic and it is abusive in in the context. And I yeah, I just really, really am against cheating.
Jack
Yeah, I like he said. That's a form of emotional abuse for sure.
Xochitl
Yeah.
Jack
And also I think that like.
Jack
Commitment requires again I I there. There are a few times in life where I think it's like a 0 sum 0 sum, meaning like it's 100% zero.
Jack
You know, either you're committed to your partner or or you're not, you know, and if you're, if you're always, if you're with your partner, but you've always got, like, one eye kind of looking around for something better, something. It's I I I just really hate that.
Xochitl
I know.
Jack
That kind of behavior, it reminds me of like, UM, it happens in friendships as well, where it.
Jack
Like you, you know, Jack, you're good enough to hang out with at this party, but I'm going to keep my eye open looking around the the room for maybe somebody a little bit more interesting, a little bit cooler that I can go talk to. So you're good enough in the moment.
Jack
But you're not. You're you're not really good enough. And that's a real self esteem killer, I I think.
Xochitl
Yeah, he is a self esteem killer. And then ultimately though like like dealing with cheaters and talking to them, I don't think it's anything about their partner not being. Obviously it's not about the partner not not being good enough, but I don't even think it's about them thinking their partners and good enough. It's like they just have this black hole in their heart and mind.
Xochitl
And they need like constant validation and attention from other people.
Xochitl
People and most of the times they can't handle like critique. Like if something starts going wrong in a relationship instead of facing up to their responsibility and whatever is going on or talking it out with their partner. If they can't face criticism or face.
Jack
Yes.
Xochitl
Issues when things get real, so they would rather just find a way to like escape in a sense and source their validation from someone else.
Jack
It's almost like they're they're willing to if they don't get what they want completely, they're going to blow it. They're going to blow the whole thing up.
Jack
You know, and that is like the most childish kind of toddler behavior. Like, it's the ultimate. I'm taking my ball and going home kind of behavior, right? Yeah.
Xochitl
Yeah.
Jack
And it's so immature. So, you know, I think ultimately I the second part of that question was should the couple try to work through it?
Jack
You know, I honestly don't think I don't. I just think it's. I don't think you can come back from that, to be honest. So at least I know that I personally cannot come back from that. Cheating is A is a a deal breaker in in my for me. So if if I were in a.
Jack
You know, just hypothetically, I mean I'm. I'm married. I've been married for 17 years, happily married. But if I'm. I'm just thinking hypothetically in like a dating situation or something. If if that happened to me, I I would just cut my losses.
Jack
And and and and find find a new partner like that's. That's ultimately where I kind of land. And it. What what about you?
Xochitl
I think that I that.
Xochitl
I how do? How do I say this?
Xochitl
I think that.
Xochitl
People who stay and try to work through it like a lot, a lot of times they get almost worse judgment than the cheater. Like people calling them stupid and stuff. And I think that's so mean because they're already like a victim of this horrible situation and they like, they're really, I don't know, forgiving people, I think. But at the same time, I I.
Xochitl
I do think you can't come back for men even if you choose to try to work things out and try to come back from it or whatever, I personally think.
Xochitl
UM.
Xochitl
It's like you can't, like you will always remember.
Xochitl
When they cheated on you and it will always affect yourself esteem and you're always going to be wondering like where they are and what they're doing and you're going to start behaving like a person that you don't recognize sometimes I think.
Jack
Yeah, you're gonna turn into somebody you don't want to be like the that.
Xochitl
As.
Jack
The kind of paranoid looking under every every rock for some kind of evidence and it it it just consumes your your life and you're you're not really living at that point. You're you're you're more consumed with this this relationship, and nobody deserves to.
Jack
To have to live like that.
Xochitl
No, no one should have to live like that. So you.
Xochitl
Yeah, I think, yeah. I mean, I think it's cool to cut your losses. It's something that it's like cheating is very comm
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